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On Slacking, A Meandering Rant from TSF4

Posted on January 1, 2010 | By Patty Pino | No Comments

I am honored that you are even listening to me, listening to us, at this moment.  Alright – maybe “honored” is a little thick.  I’m more like surprised and impressed – in a good way. Hey – I know what it took for you to get here.  Booting up things, clicking around places, having to pay attention, downloading stuff, maybe.  All of that is work.  Really, and I know you have better choices than anything that even resembles work.  You could be half-passed-out on the living room couch right now, test-tasting the snacky things that your kid dropped between the cushions, drooling a little.  That would be easier; but instead, you’re here.  Well, maybe you’re both.  Anyway, if you are here, then you, my friend, qualify as a slacker.  THAT is why I am honored.  Thank you, fellow Slacker, for listening.

Slackers, like me and Chris(tian) and Rob and you, are not incapable of doing stuff.  We are actually really capable, and we actually do stuff. It is just that, when given the choice, most times we’d rather not.  Well, that isn’t totally true – we like to do the stuff we like to do, just not the stuff we’re supposed to do, or stuff we have to do, or stuff that sucks.

I find myself in total, almost constant, conflict.  Do I do the laundry, or surf the web for strange pets-in-costume photos?  It is important that I visit my parents and help them take out the their garbage, but just one more episode of Anthony Bourdain’s snarky world-travel show can’t hurt,  and then, I’m out the door – I promise.  Believe me, besides you, I am the least-disciplined person you know.

The place where my slacker-factor has the most negative impact is in the area of EXERCISE.  Can you relate, you couch-loving snack-forager?  Even the word sucks – ex-er-size.  It sounds like an awkward and uncomfortable way to cancel out the beautiful size of me.  I suppose that that is the point, but does it have to sound so dorky?  “I’m going to exercise.”  Sure…some people call it “working out”, but that involves WORK, and I’m not into that.

I suppose if you could exercise an actually look cool, which you can’t, or maybe if you could hang out with Henry Rollins or Iggy Pop at the gym, which you can’t, maybe it would be appealing.  But Rollins and Iggy are like the anti-slackers, and that would bring up so much additional guilt…forget it.

So, how does a slacker survive in this responsibility-filled, money-oriented, you-gotta-work society?  Often, in a bitter, and begrudging way.  Really, we seek out other slackers who can bring things to the table to assist our lazy-asses. Who wants to reinvent the wheel, when some other guy is into sharing his wheels with his friends?  The network of slackers is huge, and we’ll bring it to you, when we’re motivated.  We wanna help you, friend, enjoy the moments of your life, with minimal effort.  Let’s use this networking and technology crap to ease the pains of your intended efforts and relieve you from the toils of your existence.


<Hear this amazing rant, as well as other nonsense, on the podcast TSF4: Mary’s Gone Slackers, is NOW ONLINE!>


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