This rant was inspired by a song.  It’s a lovely little ditty and I’d like to play it for you now.

That’s right – it’s Dan Fogerlberg’s “Longer Than.” This optimistic ballad was released late in 1979 and gained most of its insane popularity in 1980 and is now my all time favorite song.  A favorite song that I never need to hear again.  In fact, I’d rather puncture my eardrums with porcupine spines than listen to that drivel.  So, I hear you asking yourself, “with all that great music that The Slacker Factor has brought me, how could THIS possibly be his favorite song?”  Well, I will tell you.

“Longer Than” gives me hope.  Not because of its poignant lyrical content, its dreamy melody, or delicately sung vocal.  Nope, in fact those things make me want to reach into the early 80s and pull Dan Fogelberg’s tonsils out through his nose.  I love it for this reluctant hope that it offers.  Hope that if this boat load of crap can reach a peak position of #2 on the Singles Chart in this god forsaken country, then actual quality music might stand a fighting chance.

But, what I really can’t believe is that back in the early 80s, people heard this song for the first time and said to themselves “Wow, what a fantastic little ditty, I can’t wait to hear several more times an hour on my favorite Adult Contemporary radio station.”  Or worse, that those aging hippie holdover baby boomers thought that this was a cutting edge new sound for a new decade and warranted critical acclaim and a place in the rock and roll history books alongside Richard Marx and Bryan Adams.  Why else would it have catapulted his album called Phoenix to platinum status?   There can be no other logical explanation.

Considering I was 9 at the time and have only vague recollections of driving to visit relatives in our brown Volare Startion wagon with the fake wood door panels and those state of the art AM radios with the tinny, two inch dashboard speakers through which  my Mom would blast “Longer Than” … it’s no surprise that this song triggers recessed memories that I am only now beginning to work out in therapy.  So, I had to call and ask…  “Mom, what the hell were you thinking with this pseudo emotional, over the top whispery poppycock?”  Her simple answer, “It’s such a nice song.  I love Dan Fogelberg.”  But Mom, WHY????  I need a detailed explanation of how anyone could have ever liked such crap.  Unfortunately, my mother offered no such explanation.  I guess normal people don’t obsess and analyze popular music to the degree that haunts me.  This is my cross to bear.

I can just imagine him performing this song live in front of a sold out hockey arena.  The gently plucked guitar reverberating throughout the massive space, infiltrating the open orifices of the unsuspecting.  His 70s feathered hair cascading over his ears, still as a statue while his head nods to the completely soulless beat .  His half closed eyes peering into the souls of the innocent.  It’s cliché lyrics penetrate the crowd through the wounds left open by the awful string section and trumpet solo.  Really?  A trumpet solo?  YUCKK!!!!

So, bottom line… Dan Fogelberg’s “Longer Than” represents everything that’s wrong with music not just of today but of all time!  Yet, upon further analysis, every generation is entitled to their own Dan Fogelberg which explains the existence of such K-Tel wonders as Air Supply, Michael Bolton, Celine Dion, Clay Aiken, David Archuleta , etc.  But, remember, for everyone who listens to this rant and thinks, “Rob is right… this stuff sucks.”  There is hope that they will progress forward through their own musical journey and discover actual GOOD Music.  The End.

< Listen to this rant, and more, on the podcast here or on iTunes >

Headlights Reflecting on Gravestones

Driving home last night / I heard that tune / The one from the 70’s / About things being over

The singer is in denial / He “Keeps Forgetting” / Things have changed / You know the song

Everything ends / Jobs, friendships, relationships, life / Somehow we don’t expect that / Won’t except that

We hate that part / The ending / The Silence / Fini

We’re built to function in the moment / But the moment is ever changing / Always working towards finish

Electrons move to eventually settle / Yearning for finale

We keep forgetting / An inherent beauty exists / In conclusion

The sun slipping behind the horizon / The sculptor making a final tap / Resonance of strings culminating the concert

Ends allows us to pause / Take heed of our experience / And look to the next

Driving home last night / I passed that cemetery / The one close to the road / Where our grandparents are buried

Sometimes I forget / The pervasive artistry of endings

Until I see headlights / Reflecting on gravestones

~pp

< Listen to this rant, and more, on the podcast here or on iTunes TSF14: Hunger Never Ends >

No offense or disrespect to The Rolling Stones, Steely Dan, The Who, Chicago, Kenny Rodgers, Joni Mitchell, Jimmy Buffet or Crosby, Still, Nash and whoever, but it is time.  You’ve had your heyday.  You’ve made your money.  Now, go away.

Still have the desire to perform?  That is why they invented Vegas.  Or Branson.

Otherwise, move out of the spotlight, and let someone else have a chance.

Oh, sure, I acknowledge that you have been contributors to the world of music.  As singers, and songwriters, and musicians, and rockers you brought your sound to the masses and influenced pop culture and ingrained our brains with your riffs and lyrics.  Your music will live in the hearts and minds of many generations.  Thank you and bye-bye.

Maybe you think I sound harsh, but think about it?  Imagine if the previous generation of musical talent kept trying to keep performing in a big way at major awards shows, sporting events, on tour, and on television.Oh yeah – they did.  Remember the late days of Elvis or Frank?  Sad, sad, ugly, and sad.  They worked past-their-prime, trying to hold on to their young musical glory, and it didn’t work.  Hello – It ain’t working for you anymore, either.

For that matter, go away “Play that Funky Music, White Boy”, “Celebration”, “We are Family”, “Mustang Sally”, “Freebird”, “Brick House” and “Sweet Home Alabama”.  It is time to stop you and all of your cover band and wedding reception over-played power.

It is my contention that the past stands in the way of the future.  It is too convenient to dance to the music you’ve been hearing forever and it is regressive to sing along at concerts of artists who had their heyday before you were born.

Sure, it is fine to reminisce once-in-a-while; even I sing along to The Beatles. And, maybe you qualify as  quirky-cool because your ringtone is an obscure Marvin Gaye B-side.  But, why spend hundreds of dollars to go to concerts performed by people who need to get themselves jacked up on anti-inflammatories just to take the stage?  And, why are those same people still making crazy money to sing songs about their sexy youth, when “sexy” and “youth” have been replaced with “wrinkled” and “old”?  If we fill our lives with only the songs we know, we are forced to look backwards and are missing the view ahead.

I know, I know – the past is comfortable.  It feels more real because you’ve already experienced it.  It is as grounding and familiar as those ratty sweatpants you refuse to throw away.  It is like making out with an old boyfriend or girlfriend again.  You know just what to do to make them feel good.  Play “American Pie” and everyone relaxes.

You are trampling the road more traveled, and it is making you soft.

What happened to established artists gracefully aging and mentoring the next generation’s creativity, instead of competing with it?  Why do we continue to demand the stuff we know, instead of striving to experience something new?  We should cry out for the future, instead of sentimentally weeping for the past.

It is time to put down your high-school facebook, I mean, yearbook and move forward. Rock stars prefer to burn out than fade away; it is time for the faded old burn-outs to go away.

Let’s advance things, shall we? Listen to a new song, a new band, or a new artist, today.  Dance to something you’ve never heard before, tonight.  Let’s change the demand for music, right now, and we’ll change the future of music, for the better.

~pp

< Be now in the now.  Listen to TSF9: We’re Next, We’re Now The Slacker Factor Podcast here, or on iTunes. >

I think I suffer from the same malady many of us face today.  Time.  Its like a drug.  There isn’t enough of it, I’ve lost track of it, is it the right time, its running out, I cant afford it, and I am wasting it.  You get the point.

Now, none of this is new to most of us.  Every once in a while we look in the mirror but don’t see that 18yr old that we imagine we still look like.  Full of youth and vigor and lacking the lines and gray hairs we see today.  But I can deal with getting older, I really don’t have a problem with it.  What I do have a problem with is that I am not doing all of the things I always envisioned I would have done by now.  That’s not to say I won’t, its just…  I am a bit off schedule.  This is my problem.

I wont bore you with the laundry list of things I thought I would have done by now, but many of them are typical… seeing Europe, sailing the Caribbean, having that corner office, stuff like that.  I don’t think it’s because I’m not capable of doing these things, but haven’t had the time to really devote to getting to them.  Stuff keeps happening and it’s never the right time.

Perhaps it’s the trade offs I’ve made over time.  When I was younger I really wasn’t able to comprehend the impact parenthood would have on my life.  Its all good stuff, I just didn’t know how much of a priority it would become to ensure my kids have the best I can give them.  So I’ve traded my vacations to the Caribbean for vacations to Sesame Street Place and the like.  I’m ok with that too, but I still have “my” stuff to do.

So, for “my” stuff, call it my “bucket list” if you like, I wonder when I will find the time.  My kids are still young and I don’t have the financial wherewithal to pack up the whole family and go to Europe for two weeks.  And we all know that won’t fly with the boss anyway – two weeks off – in a row???.  Maybe what I need to do with my time is try and schedule it.  Maybe if I start to plan on the lower hanging fruit of my goals for now and hope for the best down the road.  But…

What if I am running out of time?  Jeeze that’s a gloomy thought.  Here I am, only 40, and wondering about a final nap on the big couch.  Well, I am hoping that I live for another 40 (or longer if the big guy allows) and that gives me a fair amount of time to get to the bigger things on the list, and maybe by then I will be in a better financial position to take on the larger trips.  Maybe I’ll even be retired before I’m 75 and have a time where I wont be trying to vacation with one foot in the sand and another strapped to my blackberry.    Which brings me to my last point…

This whole indentured servitude to Corporate America, am I wasting my time?  I am trading my time so that the corporate fat-cats can have their fancy dinners and be driven to and fro and fly first class etc etc?  Is my time worth only the paycheck I receive, and to cause me to put off the things I would really rather be doing?  Will I wake up when I’m 65 and wonder why the hell I spent the last 40yrs working in Corporate America??  That scares me.  That seriously scares me… a lot.  Of course, when I look at my kids I know that the sacrifice is all worth it.  If I would trade my soul to the devil to ensure my kids happiness, surely selling it to Corporate America couldn’t be all that much worse.  Could it?

Well, my time is up.  I appreciate your giving me some of yours.  And until next time…  ~cg

Is it OK if they frequently fight,
Is it OK if the bride wears white,
…even if she has a couple of children…

It is OK if she has fake breasts,
and yet her kids are an incredible mess
because she claims they never have any money…

Is it OK if he professes to be true,
but you know that he has propositioned you
…on more than one occasion…

Is it OK for Nick Cage?

Is it OK if he wears a rug,
Is it OK if she’s planted a bug
in their computer,
so she can track all of his online activities…

Is it OK if they seldom fuck,
Is it OK if he tries his luck,
at the casino…with the deposit money for their new home
…and he looses it all…

Is it OK if she swears she’s quit,
but then, occasionally, she takes a hit
just to keep her sane…

Is it OK if she has a drink,
even though you tend to think
she’s pregnant at the time,
…never mind who’s it is…

 Is it OK if he roams the night,
because he says that he’s uptight,
and getting out
is the only thing
that calms him down…

Is it OK if they talk so sweet,
when you really know that underneath
neither of them is happy
in this thing, called a relationship, anymore…

~pp

<Don’t be hypocritical.  Listen, as well as read,  TSF7: Drop Everything  or look for it on iTunes.  It is slacktacular.>

The Slacker Factor Podcast, Episode 6:  Pondering Nirvana

Haunted by a love/hate relationship with the music of our past, Rob struggles in his quest not to achieve Nirvana. We are confused by guys/girls and the words around them in a discussion on gender speak. Finally, Chris attempts serenity with NPR’s top songs of the decade and breaks out cool/questionable jazz.

Subscribe with iTunes

Links:

Meandering Rant on the Lack of Teen Spirit by Rob

Book Report: Gender Speak

Music Segment: NPR’s 50 Most Important Recordings of the Decade

Do we stop appreciating new music after a certain age? AKA Why does all new music suck?  Recently re-titled as “Has the now effortless pursuit of new music changed music’s value aka why new music is almost free!”

I long for new music.  I easily fall into the media hype of some groundbreaking young band and seek out any and all of their recordings.  I have been known to incessantly fight the busy signal of a radio station’s request line in order to ask the DJ the name of the song that was played exactly 27.5 minutes ago.  I’ve then called the foreign-based record label to find a local retailer that might actually carry said music.  In my eternal quest for the new and different, I’ve canvassed my hip friends for suggestions, begrudgingly tuned in local college radio, combed the billboard charts, made purchases based solely on the esoteric words of a music journalist, I’ve dragged my classy, sophisticated girlfriend (now wife) through the rough and tubmble streets of Greenwich Village, New York City to seek out musty old music shops that carry used records and spend hours flipping through bins of dusty vinyl – only with the promise of returning the favor by agreeing to window shop at Tiffany’s on 5th Avenue, subscribed to new music CD services (remember CMJ?), provided false names to both the Columbia and BMG music clubs… even purchased random CDs based solely on the cover art or some annoyingly pretentious record store clerk.

But, that was a long time ago and much has changed in my life…

…- marriage, kids, responsibilities, and… the arrival of the internet.  While all those things are very positive (except the responsibilities of course), they’ve forced a sea change in my pursuit of, and perspective on, good music.

First, let’s talk about the pursuit…  It used to be a monumental task – almost a life mission.  With none of this newfangled super highway technology available, the search would be an exercise in persistence and patience (not my strong point) and eminently rewarding.  There was nothing like cracking the seal on a excessively expensive out-of-print LP or 12 inch record (yes, vinyl) that was meticulously shipped across oceans to my tender embrace.  Now it’s almost effortless – services like Pandora, Last.FM, and online radio take a direct feed from your heat and mind and occasionally spit out new tunes that you’ve never heard but can’t imagine you ever lived without.  Then, simply logon to iTunes, Walmart, or Beatport for underground dance music and instantaneously own the music of your dreams.  Sounds great right?  But, if something comes too easily its not valued.  And somehow, it all got kind of boring.

And that’s why I think my perspective has changed.  The new albums by American Idol reject Daughtry or the hipster band the Fray (and countless other modern “alternative” bands) just don’t hold the same charm, emotional bond, or depth.  Maybe I’m getting all old, bitter, and nostalgic but I just don’t seem to be able to find spanking new stuff that floats my boat.  And, I don’t like it one bit.  I don’t want to turn into one of those past-their-prime mullet-wearing aging classic rockers jonesing to hear that dumb Steve Miller song where the guitar line feigns a construction worker’s whistle at a scantily clad female.  Or worse, one of those hippies that’s balding on top but keeps his hair long on the sides and back so he can try to score some weed at the latest jam band summer festival.  But, I do often catch myself throwing on to my old Smashing Pumpkins, Nirvana, and Radiohead CDs for lack of better options. And now that alternative is the new classic rock, I am frightened of becoming all that I’ve sworn off.  Maybe I’ll cut my bangs and stop wear black.  But better yet… maybe there’s hope in some heretofore unknown group of teenagers with sonic sensibilities that evoke the same passion, purity and pursuit of perfection that mirrors the bands of our youth.

So, new music, I’m beggin you… make yourself hard to find and worth the effort.  For the sake of all of mankind!

~ rl

<If you were listening to crappy music instead of TSF 3: Frustrated Pleasures, feel free to listen or download now or subscribe on iTunes.  Please?>

Ok, lets start this with a look inward. I asked myself “self, what are you?” Once I started looking (and got past the initial chaos rattling around in my head) I realized that’s not such a simple question and a lot of what Generation X is, is what its not. You can’t put a box around Generation X and say oh, its all about grunge and apathy. Or look to movies like Reality Bites and Star Wars… because yes, whether you want to admit it or not YOU were effected by Star Wars and the Jedi bed sheets you had as a kid. Its not about that big hair you had, or gray hair now and looking at 40 as “not that old”. Its not about whether you are “corporate” or keeping it real. Its not about whether you live with someone you aren’t married to or whether you are now a responsible parent or not. Its not about whether you worry about how the lawn looks or whether you are “green”. I could go on for hours but the truth is, its not about a lot.

Now, once we admit to ourselves its not about a lot we have to look at that. Its not about a lot. Is that disaffection I smell? So what is it about? Well, its about our experiences. As a group of people who were born in the 60’s & 70’s we all have some similar experiences. We all went to grade school and suffered through the same lousy curriculum and some of us even picked up the “new math” along the way. But more importantly, in my humble opinion, its about the history we lived through and how we experienced those events.

As a child I remember our TV having 13 channels and even remember the day my father brought home a betamax and we watched Star Wars and Young Frankenstein in the comfort of our shag carpet home. We were the first generation of Sesame Street fans and the first generation exposed to the 24 hour news cycle CNN brought us. We lived through some seriously significant and historic events. As kids we saw Reagan shot and the Space Shuttle blown into pieces. We had MTV and Lollapalooza and Al Gore gave us the Internet.

As GenXers we’re considered flannel wearing slackers with no interests or motivation? Yes, I like my grunge and flannel. I miss Nirvana. I’m often cynical and definitely unmotivated at times. I am without question anti-establishment and definitely don’t want to take any crap from Baby Boomers. Oooh they make me so mad with their rules and expectations! Are they all retired yet?? And Generation Y?? Come on.

So, now what? Well, we’re all at an age where responsibility rears its ugly head and keeps us from partaking in the indiscretions of our youth which we would otherwise jump head first in. We are pressured to act as adults but still feel like 16. Should we portrait ourselves as role models to our kids or nieces and nephews or whoever, when we know deep down we did the all the stuff the generation before us warned about and would probably do it again if we could get away with it. Generation X doesn’t play by the rules, so should we tell others to? Heck no. We are anti-establishment! Fight the man! Unless of course that is going to take a lot of effort, because then I’m not so into it. I think this is what Generation X is.

Oh, and by the way… Barak Obama is a Gen Xer. But then again, so is Woody Harrelson. Take from that what you will. ~cg

<Please give it a listen: TSF1: The Slacker Revolution Begins!>